Deep within

long way to go

2007-02-13T15:00:00.000+08:00

im so in my own world. to the extent that i forgot that you are leaving today at 9am. well. you left. will be waiting for you to come back again. those moments we share, i will treasure them. it will always be kept in my heart. it will always be remembered.

those late nights. late afternoons. ha. the very least i get to meet you and spend the time with you. im contented by it.

im very sorry that i forgot abt it. really sorry. im mean. im a very bad lil sis. gosh. im sorry..

well everything is not the same without you.

- take care dear. i miss you. -

Sweets.. i know i may be MIA for few days. been busy. not sure of what. things may turn out differently in my life right now. ever since the day it was over. starting a new. though it may be tough to let go, but i have to. i hope you understand dear. thanks for all your advice. i really appreciate it. its been too long and till now i dont exactly know what i want and need. space and time is all i needed. but it will take really long. longer than i imagined it to be.

im the laziest person on earth i tell you. my room is in a mess and im not doing anything about it. forever online and cant be bothered to change the layout. geez. someone. somebody. please help me. get it out of my system. now...

now, my only dream that i wanna pursue is to be able to work with you sweets. this old dream of mine. not going to give it up that easy. pre school teacher? still up for it.. i think i am.

~each day is a brand new day to start anew~

tumble thots

2006-09-03T23:57:00.000+08:00

first of all. i miss you guys very much, i know its been a very long time since i have blogged. and i know you have given up reading cos i stopped blogging. its just that i'm lazy to log on to the internet after work. lazy cos i wanna watch tv or just rest. hahahha. or im always out.

well, as you know the recent event that just happened. Cikgu rathia just passed away like a week ago. Its very sad that this had to happen. though it was expected but i did not expect it to be so fast. mixed up feelings and all im sure of i that i just lost someone whom i love so much. someone whom have given me hope and inspiration to all that i have done. really appreciate it.

i know deep down she is much happier now, as she is not suffering anymore. it hurts to see her in that situation. it hurts. tears are just memories. prayers for her are much more appreciated.

my life path

2006-03-04T23:38:00.000+08:00

is this for real? well maybe some parts of it are real. what about you? try it!

Your Life Path Number is 7

Your purpose in life is to find truth and meaning
You are very spiritual, and you are interested in the mysteries of life.You are quite analytical and a great thinker. You have many theories and insights.A life of solitude is perfect for you. You need time to think and do things your way.
In love, you are quite charming. You attract many with your confidence and wit.
While you enjoy being alone, sometimes you take it to an extreme.You can become too isolated, shutting out loved ones and friends.Express yourself a little bit more, and you'll be surprised where it takes you!

What Is Your Life Path Number?

counting down

2006-02-21T13:35:00.000+08:00

its count down.

3 more days.

3 more days till SIP is over.

X more days till graduation.

i wonder...

P/s: i miss yan!

Memories unfold

2006-01-27T10:20:00.000+08:00

Morning b, morning twinsoul, morning jan!morning sweet pea/anggun, morning siti, morning sha!MORNING WORLD. It is such a bright and sunny morning. Finally, its the sunshine. It had been raining heavily at every parts of Singapore! NO MORE MR RAIN.. WELCOME MR SUNSHINE!

I have been rather busy with attachment and by the time i am home, im just so plain lazy to be online. Sorry peeps for the VERY least updates! I have loads to tell you peeps but i cant do so now cos i'm at work right now. Got loads of work to do. Anyway just to update you guys of the receent events:

1) Ms Devi passed away few weeks back due to a sudden heart attack. May she rest in peace. It was such a sudden thing and a shocking thing cos i've always thought that she is well. Maybe, there are things that we do not know. May god bless her soul and be happy where ever she is. People happy thoughts. Don't be sad cos i don't think that she wants us to be sad. She just wants us to be happy.. happy that she is not suffering anymore. (I guess its the right thing to do)

2) 19 Jan - MY BIRTHDAY
Thanks for all the birthday wishes. Im really grateful for all the presents and wishes you gave. It just made me happy. I really love all those presents! Thank you so much peeps. Thanks for celebrating it with me. Im just happy to be able to celebrate with people whom i love and care alot. Thanks for making my 21st birthday a special one. Once again I thank you.

To twinsoul, dont think so much about it. just take it easy cos you may never know what may happen in future. Just be strong cos I will always be here for you! No matter how far you are, you are always in my heart.There is space for you alright dearie.. I miss you so much!
'
To abg.. have a safe journey to australia. we will meet up next week before you leave. study hard alright!

to b.. i just wanna say i love you!

It still lingers..

2005-11-30T15:49:00.000+08:00

It's been three days since that moment I found out the truth - something that i'd never wished to see or even hear. What else can i say when IT HAD ALREADY HAPPENED! This stinking feeling - not due to guilt but the feeling when you have been cheated by someone you'd never thought of. The picture of it just lingers within your heart, mind and soul as it replays it over and over again. Oh how my heart aches when i first found out the whole truth. THE TRUTH HURTS! No matter what happens, you just have to deal with it and face it with lots courage and strength.

I wonder how am i ever going to let all this go when its such a big blow to me. THIS IS THE WORST THING THAT HAS EVER HAPPENED TO ME! I can't imagine that i actually have to go through this. "Humans only ssee the bad side, not the good ones. Learn to let go and not to follow your emotions" Great, I wonder what's the truth in it that i have to believe this phrase. I have been having this sudden lost of appetite and just can't finish up my food(like less than half). Am i following too much of my emotions than my mind? I admit i am an emotional person. What can i do? This is me! THE QUESTION: can i ever let it go? can i ever forgive? - ok maybe forgive. How about forget? Forgive and forget - that's what most people said. Only one said to think of my happiness. The happiness - not too sure any more cos this heart of mine is shattered to pieces and not knowing how to put it back to its original shape! If i can ever recall - HAPPINESS = *hope, BESTIE CUM LOVE CUM MY EVERYTHING, PWINCESS, JAN,SITI,KC PEEPS AND NOT TO FORGET POLY PEEPS AS WELL.

I have to come up with a decision soon but not in this condition(my emotion) when im still fragile.

TO KAMS;
I CANT BELIEVE BOTH OF US ARE IN THE SAME BOAT! Quite the same( as in both of us are confused and hearts broken)... like i said twinsouls interconnected through the heart, mind and soul. Its fate and coincidence for us to be in this situation, similar. Thanks for helping me get through it. I really wonder how i'm ever going to handle it if its not for you. You know me deeep inside and outside. YOU KNOW WHAT MY REACTION IS LIKE!hahaha. I can't imagine it all, anymore..

*this heart is broken, deeply shattered and i wonder how im going to pull myself up. i just keep on wondering how...

Micheal Buble - HomeAnother summer day

2005-11-29T15:31:00.000+08:00

Another summer day
Has come and gone away
In Paris and Rome
But I wanna go home
Mmmmmmmm

Maybe surrounded by
A million people I
Still feel all alone
I just wanna go home
Oh I miss you, you know
And I’ve been keeping all the letters that I wrote to you
Each one a line or two“I’m fine baby, how are you?”
Well I would send them but I know that it’s just not enough
My words were cold and flat
And you deserve more than that

Another aeroplane
Another sunny place
I’m lucky I know
But I wanna go home
Mmmm, I’ve got to go home
Let me go home
I’m just too far from where you are
I wanna come home
And I feel just like I’m living someone else’s life
It’s like I just stepped outside

When everything was going right
And I know just why you could not
Come along with me
But this was not your dream
But you always believed in me
Another winter day has come
And gone away
And even Paris and Rome
And I wanna go home
Let me go home
And I’m surrounded by
A million people
IStill feel alone
Oh, let me go home
Oh, I miss you, you know
Let me go home
I’ve had my runBaby, I’m doneI gotta go home
Let me go home
It will all be allright
I’ll be home tonight
I’m coming back home

* oh god just love this song. so peaceful. calms me down. been listening to it over and over yet im not sick of it. maybe soon. lol

The feeling of being cheated

2005-11-28T12:10:00.000+08:00

I'm sure that everyone has been through it at least once. The fear of being into a new relationship is the effect of the past experiences of the old relationships. The thought of it just brings back bad memories. How can one experience it over and over again. Then maybe, one day, y0u might finally realise and tend not being able to be in new one.

Can you ever be in it over and over again.?This is a question that i often asks myself. Till now, i don't have the right answer..

I'm not sure of my feelings
Its been so confusing
Eversince that very moment
When you confessed it all

I know you are regret it all
Received millions of apologies
You have told me everything
But had it ever occur to you

SIimply that im just too hurt
Simply that im just disappointed
Simply that im just confused
Simply that the trust is gone

This heart of mine
has been pierced through deeply
i wonder how im going to cope
thank god i have my bestie

KellyClarkson - Because of you

I will not make the same mistakes that you did
I will not let myself cause my heart so much misery
I will not break the way you did
You fell so hard
I've learned the hard way, to never let it get that far
Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side
So I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust
Not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid
I lose my way
And it's not too long before you point it out
I cannot cry
Because I know that's weakness in your eyes
I'm forced to fake, a smile, a laugh
Every day of my life
My heart can't possibly break
When it wasn't even whole to start with
Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side
So I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust
Not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid
I watched you die
I heard you cry
Every night in your sleep
I was so young
You should have known better than to lean on me
You never thought of anyone else
You just saw your pain
And now I cry
In the middle of the night
For the same damn thing
Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side
So I don't get hurt
Because of you
I tried my hardest just to forget everything
Because of you
I don't know how to let anyone else in
Because of you
I'm ashamed of my life because it's empty
Because of you
I am afraid
Because of you
Because of you

The Life

2005-11-09T23:06:00.000+08:00

" HAPPY 19th BIRTHDAY HAVOC! MAY ALL YOUR DREAAMS COME TRUE!"

The life of someone who works in an office - BASIC JUST A JOB. Its not the same as before. Let me tell you this, for sure! Early bird so as not to be laate for work. 9am is the time i start work. Now, I'm always awake by 645am! WHen im supposed to be sleeping... sleeepppiing! Now, i just cant wait for the weekends. First up would be friday! I so cant wait for friday and i'm freeeee...

And i'm just tooo tired to go out after work cos the next day i have to wake up early in order for me to wake up. I have no life.. So the only time would be fri or thursday. Damn. My job is as if im back to my fyp days. I just cant imagine anymore..

What's going on?

2005-11-08T22:22:00.000+08:00

Harlowwww peeps! I miss you guys loads!!! SO many many!!! Twinsoul, my dear.. i miss you so much. I cant wait to meet you soon. Its been tooo loonng! I cant wait for us to jalan raya also! Hehehehehehe.. I wonder when also... Lydia my sweetttsss... HURRY COME BACK! We are all waiting for you!Lini, you hang on for the mp aye.. one more semester to go! JIA YOH!!! Emah my dear, you seemed to be eveywhere i go! I thought i saw you but somehow it's someone else! So many times i screamed for you but it turned out to be a wrong person! how embarassing. I guess that's how much i missed you!

Yes i'm back! Its been far too long. Im just lazy to update. Basically have been busy with my life, work( used to be at PS) now attachment has started! and of cos my peepps as well! Can you imagine im attached at JURONG!! DAMN FAR!! Its at Hatlapa. Learn lotsa new things. Alwyn is my partner in crime now. Aaron is our neigbour... just a few blocks away. I wonder if we can make it thru. I'm praying hard.

*It may not be love at first sight
It may not be a dream come true
All i know...
i'm just happy to be with you

You have showered me with love
You have shown me care and concern
But most of all..
you have given me everything i need

This wonderful moments we shared
Be it good or bad
This is reality...
A path we have to pursue together

It is only about us
A story with colourful pictures
Of you and i
And i thank god you're here with me*

Simplest things can be so complicated

2005-09-01T11:40:00.000+08:00

Morning TWINSOUL! Morning besties, morning world... A bright and sunny day with loads of things to do. Gosh! The first thing that needs to be done: REVISE FOR ECSA AND WSAD! EXAM IS F*RKING NEXT WEEK SO ITS TIME TO REVISE! Great.. its revision. Oh man, I can't believe that exam is next week and im soo lozy to start revising. Great what happen to me? God Knows people..

FlashBacks..

Mon: MP due. Had lunch at techno with Mun, Mas, Jac, Karen and Aida. Includes the other
half Hoon, Freddy, Xiao Ming, Dan, Grace and Zul. Then we head for lecture. Jac drove. She sent us home as well and thanks jac for the ride home. Home = Sleep till night. The best sleep ever!

Tuesday:Came to sch for trial run for MP presentation. Had lunch. The trial run was pushed till 2 cos Mr Oh was not free earlier on and it ended late cos of the changes for powerpoint slide. Supposedly to meet jan but i end late. So, it was cancelled in the end. Met Genie, St John, John and Vincent went for a movie. After the movie, Genie and i had dinner at Long John. We wanted to go IndoChine but this funny girl did not bring her i/c so we ended up at Acid Bar. Not that bad after all. Loved the ambience. Just a place to chill out with your gfs. So do check it out peeps.. Its not to be missed!

Wed: Met Jan and Kams for lunch at Hajah Maimunah. Then we walked around arab street. Then went back to sch for presentation and after that sat at concourse with Mas, Hui qi and Emily. Then hang ard with Mas and Hui qi at starbucks. Just talked about stuffs. GIRL STUFFS. LOL. Met Nura and J at 8 and went to Marina Square for dinner at Swensens. Home was the next stop. Tired. Can't keep my eyes wide open. LOL..

Today.. meeting jan, lee beng, emah and siti. Maybe lah for siti. I cant wait to meet them. its been a long time since i met them.. too long... cant wait. aye i have to go now. Late to meet jan. Well, we will be at suntec. Have fun peeps.. take care

The Wallflower - Closer to you

2005-08-08T13:00:00.000+08:00

How soft a whisper can get
When you're walking through a
crowded space
I hear every word being said
And I remember that everyday
I get a little bit closer to you

How long an hour can take
When you're staring into open
space
When I feel I'm slipping further
away
I remember that everyday
I get a little bit closer to you

These are the days
That I won't get back
I won't hear you cry
Or hear you laugh
And when it's quiet
And I don't hear a thing
I can always hear you breathe

You know there's nowhere else
I've wanted to be
Than be there when you needed me
I'm sorry too
But don't give up on me
And just remember that when you
were asleep
I got a little bit closer to you

A song that just reminds me of my d, everdearest twinsoul, jan, amal, emah, siti, mas, yasmin,genie,aida.... and the list goes on and on. I miss you guys soooo much, love ya to the bits. wonder what you guys are doing. hoping that one day, we can have a heart to heart talk soon after all this semester ends.. still hoping and waiting...

my heart beats a lil faster when i hear your name. my mind is filled with your sweet memories. wondering what i should do. You are always in my mind, no matter what i do. Is my heart that numb already? Maybe or not.. im still wondering..

yan!!!!!!!! i miss you sooo much!!! we shall meet up soon alright. wanna say thanks for everything. love you to the bits!!!

dreams not fulfilled

2005-08-05T02:14:00.000+08:00

deep thoughts and dreams that i cant seem to fulfil. The first one would be not being able to be with someone whom i cared alot - the one to be next to me. Secondly, my life is in a mess. All may be due to my own decisions that i made. I ever wondered if i made the right or wrong choice. But all i know is that i won't ever regret what i have done especially decisions i made to be with you.

is it wrong in life for not being able to love someone whom you know deep down you won't ever fall for? is it wrong in life to tell the person that you don't feel the same way? is it wrong in life to tell the person that there is no chances of you being with that person at all? is it wrong just to speak out the truth that is deep within your heart? is it wrong for not giving the person a chance when your heart belong's to someone else -- but you are not with that someone? so tell me is it wrong?

Am i that heartless and inhuman enough to do that? This is just me. I hope you guys can simply understand that I know deep down i won't have those feelings. Truthfully, i am touched by all of those tiny things but being touched and loving someone are very 2 totally different things. TOTALLY! Giving a chance and learning to love someone can be done but to me, no matter what happens, a part of me can't let go. a friend in need is a friend indeed.so cliche don't you think? all i know is that, you will always only be a friend and always a friend. - no more than that.

One' s Attitdue towards life

2005-08-04T20:40:00.000+08:00

Good evening world, good evening sweeets!, good evening peeps. Great i'm back to blog. All because of my twinsoul, been bugging me to update! Not only that, it is a way to relax and away from FYP! This set of code doesnt seem to work and its giving me the freak! Emily and i have been cracking this thingy since just now. Tiring siah. There is one small part and till now cant solve. BLOCKING OF THE FREAKING DATE OF CALENDAR. ANYONE KNOWS HOW TO DO??? CALL ME.. DESPERATE ALREADY!!! OTHER ASSIGNMENTS HAVE NOT EVEN STARTED!

OH..these two pics were taken when i was out with my bestie. loved it!

kams and i

besties always

updates! updates! updates!

2005-07-22T10:34:00.000+08:00

Morning world! morning twinsoul cum love cum fake cum my everything! morning dear.. morning love.. morning to you! Wishing you guys a very good morning! Rise and shine darlings.. first thing in the morning is a ringaling to dear, on the way to work - feeling sleepy and tired. you poor lil thing. it's alright k, you will get by through it k. patience my dear..

Updates on what happen lately..
20/7/05 - Went to the Siti NurHaliza Concert. GOSH! SHE IS SOOOO PRETTTY!!! HER VOCALS IS DAMN GOOD AH! WHAT CAN I SAY! SHE IS TALLENTED. THE ONE AND ONLY. HAD A GREAT TIME THOUGH.. i'm sorry i did not get to talk to you that night, came back too late and you were already asleep. yes, i know you are tired and i understand that alright...

7/7/05 - Went double o with gfs - Mas, Hui qi, Aida, Yasmin, Karen, Amelia and Jac. Yes, we had a great time. Aida, yasmin and i reached first and met Jac. The rest of them were late and the reason is - the usual - they got lost! LOST! LOL.. The songs are not that bad though at the start they played quite old songs, like where is the love and jenny from the block. yes, while waiting for them, we played pool. AND WE PLAYED POOL ACCORDING TO OUR NEW CREATION! LOL... bottom line, i had fun with my gfs, thats it!

8/7/05 - Had a long day. Met Kams early to have Popeye. Then at 4, nura fetched me and edd to meet up. went to airport for edd's interview. then head to changi beach and send me back to sch for meeting, god knows what they did while waiting for me. later on, we went to mt faber. Nice scenery and view just for you to enjoy. captivating experience though. it was good! all good!

I cant think of the rest though. Basically, crammed thru the night for wsad assignment. that night our first argument. sigh. thank god everything is all right for now. sort it all out. thanks for everything, time is a barrier for us now but no matter what happens, we will find the time. there is a solution to everything right dear. even though, we dun get to spend time together that much, mutual trust, love, understanding and honesty and of cos missin each other will alwaays bring us closer. just remember that you are always in my heart. a portion for you..

TWINSOUL.. I MISS YOU!!! I cant wait for the day we have our lunch together at hajah maimunah. still waiting for the day! waiting babe!! i wonder when our date will be.. yummy! yes i know our age limit hinders us from watching sin city. we will find a way to watch alright.... where there's a will, there's a way..

miss you lah sweeetss.. love ya to the bits!!!!

Back to reality

2005-06-28T15:19:00.000+08:00

Bored.Tired.Listening to tutor during UIR lab.Sleep.JUST WANNA SLEEP!!
Oh my im so tired and it seeems as if i'm so deprived of my sleep. Great.. I wonder why do i ever take this cds. Main thing, easiest cds to gain 3cus for me to graduate. Yes graduate from here. LOL. So many things that i have to do when i get back home:
1) House chores
2) Website
3) Lab Submission
4) Revise my work --> The most important!! and it seems that im just plain lazy... so lazy..

Damn it, someone please slap me. Let me wake up from my dream, my own world. Its time to face reality. Term test is next week.. Time to revise. *REVISE CHUBS!!! WAKE UP!!

Yesterday is just simply so sweet some how. It just repeats in my mind.. (*smilin to myself*)

Dedicted to my TWINSOUL CUM LOVE

2005-06-24T15:42:00.000+08:00

Hold you down by JLo ft Fat Joe

Intro]:(Joe): T.S.

[Verse 1]:(Jennifer): Now you've been holdin' me down
Mmm, for such a long time now
From back then 'til now in my story
Straight from the hood you've always been there for me
And you had my back when they
Back when everybody said I wasn't anything
It was you who kept me holdin' on
No matter what was goin' on
So whatever you need I got you, yeah.

[Rap 1]:(Joe): Yeah, unh, yo Reminiscin' that six train from way back
Now it's sky blue Phantoms and stretch Maybachs
From sweepin' them floors in them Bronx apartments to
"Mira, esta que on that red carpet"
When Pun died, you was the first to call me
I never told you, but you was there for me
Whatever you need I'll be there for you
Crack, I got your back
For real, true story

[Bsec]:(Jennifer): Now my loyalty will always be
With you if you just promise me
That you'll stay real just like you are
'Cause baby you don't have to change, no

[Hook]:(Jennifer):You don't know how much you mean to me
Whenever you're down, you know that you can lean on me
No matter the situation, boy I'm gonn' hold you down

(Joe):You don't know how much you mean to me
Whenever you're down, you know that you can lean on me
No matter the situation, girl I'm gonn' hold you down

[Rap 2]:(Joe): Yeah, unh, yo 2005 Rakim and Jody Waqtley
Watch me paint a picture so perfect, quite possibly
The realest fresher from BX to South Beach
I'mma always hold you down, girl
You can count on me

[Verse 2]:(Jennifer):So remember this whenever I call
We go back too far, we've been through it all
Even though we haven't spoke in so long
Ain't nothing changed, not a damn thing baby

[Bsec]:(Jennifer): Now my loyalty will always be
With you if you just promise me
That you'll stay real just like you are
'Cause baby you don't have to change, no

[Hook]:(Jennifer):You don't know how much you mean to me
Whenever you're down, you know that you can lean on me
No matter the situation, boy I'm gonn' hold you down

(Joe):You don't know how much you mean to me
Whenever you're down, you know that you can lean on me
No matter the situation, girl I'm gonn' hold you down

[Rap 3]:(Joe):Yeah, unh, yo
Like green is to autumn, some things must stay
This industry, yeah I fought 'em, made me this way
Get between me and J. Lo, I simply state
You're better off sweepin' leaves on a windy day - never!

[Bridge]:(Jennifer):So I don't care about the situation
I'mma ride for you if there's a complication
Every time you had my back and all
When we were young, now you're Joey Crack and all

[Bsec]:(Jennifer): Now my loyalty will always be
With you if you just promise me
That you'll stay real just like you are
'Cause baby you don't have to change, because

[Hook]:(Jennifer):You don't know how much you mean to me
Whenever you're down, you know that you can lean on me
No matter the situation, boy I'm gonn' hold you down

(Joe):You don't know how much you mean to me
Whenever you're down, you know that you can lean on me
No matter the situation, girl I'm gonn' hold you down

(Both):You don't know how much you mean to me
Whenever you're down, you know that you can lean on me
No matter the situation, I'm gonn' hold you down
You don't know how much you mean to me
Whenever you're down, you know that you can lean on me
No matter the situation, I'm gonn' hold you down

A selfish being

2005-06-24T13:01:00.000+08:00

As the saying goes, as you grow older you will be wiser. But it seems to me, i don't get any of that. I am wise in some situations but when it comes to my life - it has been topsy turvy. I do not even realise that i am facing some problems. I can't see it, maybe all this while i have been to caught up with my emotions ad simply being too selfish and not to think of others. At the same time, i thought of not disturbing you due to your busy schedule with school and other commitments. Most probably, my thoughts were to give you some time alone --> meant for you to concentrate solely on your commitments. I know that i myself can't understand your situation, maybe because i know nothing about it. I should have been more understanding about it and im sorry for that. I know i kept alot from you. its because don't want you to worry too much about this and just concentrate with your competition.

I was wrong to do that. I should have called as usual but at times, these thoughts of mine, i do not want to make your life messed up as well. Im sorry if i felt that way.. From now, i've learnt that you will always be my no 1 in liffe --> twinsoul, love, bestie cum sister cum soul. You are everything that I have ever wished for as a bestie. I'm glad that i knew you and just want to let you know that you mean alot to me. i dun wish to lose you as well cos my life without you is like a fish out of water. I hope that my apology is accepted and i guess this trust is slightly gone. I'm going to gain that back cos i know i'd rather lose the rest than losing you!

Apology by Tina K

How do I tell you I'm sorry -
With a gesture, a look, a touch?
How is it I never realized
I hurt you so very much?

I do not ask forgiveness,
A comfort I'll never deserve.
I merely want to let you know,
But I cannot find the nerve.

To finally confront you,
face-to-face,
To look you in the eye,
To face your wrath, your apathy -
Too terrified to try.

You called me selfish, I turned away,
I festered and I fled;
Cutting and wounding and lashing out,
Just to see if you bled.

Betraying and deceiving you,
I surely had no right
To snatch away such a precious gem;
A dark thief in the night.

Four years and forever passed
To bring us to this day,
When I present these simple words
I never thought to say.

The time has come, it's long past due,
To put aside my fear;
Would this confession torture you,
Or have you longed to hear?
To hear those two forbidden words,

To vanquish all the pain,
To understand my dearest wish:
To know you once again.
The years aged me remarkably,

Though they have not made me wise;
I do know I erred irrevocably -
For that I apologize.

This time factor is all i need to gain that trust back... cos only you know me very well - inside and out

Unexpected

2005-06-21T14:41:00.000+08:00

I've always thought that life - you can expect and simple gain what you want.That is, if you try, even try to achieve what you want in life. It can be anything like pursuing your dreams in life. All you need is faith, strength, confidence and BELIEVE IN YOURSELF. I feel you can do anything if you just believe.

No one is perfect. Imperfectionist of me that makes me stronger as i learn through my mistakes. Anyone is dumb when they are blinded by love including myself. I'd fallen into that black hole but if you had found someone you'd love whole heartedly, a love that you'd never thought you'd ever been in. I myself wonder, am i in love? Is this love or lust? Or can it be simply A CRUSH? Feelings are so mixed up but all i know is that i really LIKE you. I love your smile, just love everything about you despite all the things that i hate about you. I guess i just love you for who you are - your good and bad points.

"I’ve tried to go on like. I never knew you. I’m awake but my world is half asleep.I pray for this heart to be unbroken. But without you all I’m going to be is incomplete"

Love Defined
What is love, but an emotion,
So strong and so pure,
That nurtured and shared with another
All tests it will endure?

What is love, but a force
To bring the mighty low,
With the strength to shame the mountains
And halt time’s ceaseless flow?

What is love, but a triumph,
A glorious goal attained,T
he union of two souls, two hearts
A bond the angels have ordained?

What is love, but a champion,
To cast the tyrant from his throne,
And raise the flag of truth and peace,
And fear of death o’erthrow?

What is love, but a beacon,
To guide the wayward heart,
A blazing light upon the shoals
That dash cherished dreams apart?

And what is love, but forever,
Eternal and sincere,
A flame that through wax and wane
Will outlive life’s brief years?

So I’ll tell it on the mountain
tops,In all places high and low,
That love for you is my reason to be,
And will never break or bow.

sweet lil babies..

2005-06-17T12:34:00.000+08:00

GOOD MORNING WORLD! My new resolution.. of the day. A new day is always a new beginning. Greet the world with arms wide open. Ensure that all problems are just a small matter and there is a solution to all. Anything that happens, happens for a reason..

Came by to this webbie. Anne geddes webbie. I tell you the babies are just the cutest thing. It simply warms my heart, hope it does so for you. Enjoy..

The ladybug

Roses

White is pure

Yellow flower baby

Green one is soooo cute!

deep red is eternity

its just fresh to me..

flower baby

so pure

it's all about the truth

2005-06-15T14:27:00.000+08:00

TO YOU..

How Do I Say

How do I say what I think about you
Words to describe your beauty are too few
Kisses from your lips I would forever steal
Mere words can not say what I feel
How do I say what I feel in my heart
I dream of holding you in the dark
I dream of loving you in the day
I search deeply to find the words to say
How do I say what I dream in the night
Dreams so real, I feel you holding me tight
Close my eyes and drift away in sleep
Your sweet kiss I taste in my dream so deep
How do I say what I want you to hear
My arms would hold you forever near
You are truly beautiful, I want you to know
I want to embrace you and never let go
How do I say the words I cannot find
How do I say all the things in my mind
How do I say when the words are too few
How do I say how much I truly love you

the truth that reveals it all. all these things that i have been keeping it in my heart. Have been telling you bits and bits of it. Still wondering if you ever believe those bits that i said. first up on the list is that my feelings for you is for real. no one can ever replace you in this heart of mine. no one can ever will. those late night talk about feelings for that person: its all in the past. THAT I NEED YOU TO KNOW.. thats the past. this is now. you are all i ever wanted.

One more thing: the blog thingy, all these things that i said was out of anger. Anger my dear, i dun think twice. i did not want to talk about it. never had that thought about clearing it all up. i did not want to cause you to be in a fix. i do not want you to worry so much. i'd rather bear the burden by myself in order to see you happy and full of happiness. im sorry that i made you so troubled about that blog thingy. its my fault and i admit it, im sorry.. i dun want you to leave me alone cos my world is so lost without you.

you have made a huge impact in my life. A huge difference that you might never know and won't ever understand. i won't force you to think much but hopefully one day you will know what i really mean, deep inside. not seeing you kills me every minute and every second. living my life without you it seems like a life without colours. you shaped me for who i am now and im grateful for that.. grateful that i even knew you.

i dun wish to lose you. i dun wish for you to leave me alone. i understand you need time alone, to sort it all out. i do, but i do hope for you to come back with everything that's sorted out. we dun have to be together - all that matters is i have you as my friend, a friend whom i loved loads. i want you to be happy and will do anything just to see you happy..

APOLOGY

2005-06-13T13:43:00.000+08:00

is my apology accepted? I'm sorry for everything. Sometimes, i may do things out of anger. Its just me.. I hope you will understand and not leave me, just not leave me to be alone..

i'm sorry. just to let you know that you mean alot to me. i dun wanna let you go..

is everything better?

2005-06-13T13:26:00.000+08:00

i guess all we need is time.

A TIME FACTOR..

it's just so sad that we can't be together

a lil something that just won't let us be

Fate... does it play apart in our lives?

all i ever do i wonder

hoping that everything will be just fine

broken up

2005-06-12T21:50:00.000+08:00

im just so broken up deeeepp inside. i was soo strong before i knew you. i'm not sure if i can even hang on. I thought you were the one, the one who could change my life. Maybe you did show me but it seems that you just don't feel the same way.

I can't pretend how i feel for you deep down. I can't pretend that i'd fallen for you. I can't pretend that everything is not alright. I just can't pretend.. I'm not sure what i'd done for you and myself. Wonder if it was the right thing. Waiting for you is going to be a killer cos you still feels strongly for her. I just wonder now, what you said to me are all true which is really true or just for the sake of saying it cos it fits the environment orrrr its just all soo not true.

you were apart of me... USED TO! i just need time alone. to reflect and just be by myself. You are not the one whom i thought you were!

seeing you just kills me now

A quote

2005-06-09T16:36:00.000+08:00

Quote of the day

Sometimes the best helping hand you can get is a good, firm push.

JoAnn Thomas

I can't believe that.. after 3 weeks of school, i now realise that if you log in to ole there would be a pop up to tell you the quote of the day. I guess everyday would be a different quote. Interesting don't you think? Its kinda cute.... LOL :)

a heart to mend

2005-06-07T15:35:00.000+08:00

this heart of mine is shattered to pieces. its broken yet to be mended. i've tried to take my mind off you, but it seems that every single day, hours, minutes and seconds. all i can ever think about is you. i've been missing you ever since the day you went away. i'd never knew that i could ever be in this situation: in love with someone that i'd never dreamed of. i tried to understand your situation, i do but it hurts me deep inside. this hurt, i wish i could just erase it all away.

you were a friend, a friend whom i'm glad i knew you..

something lil special

2005-06-07T15:04:00.000+08:00

to..

MereWords by Kit McCallum

I searched among the card displays,
To see if I could find,
A little something that would say
Just what was on my mind.

However there was not a one,
That captured it just right,
For no one else can understand
Just what I'd like to write.

I even find it difficult
To try to write it down,
For how do I portray to you,
The love that I have known?

I close my eyes and what I see,
Is someone I adore;
A person who is beautiful,
Right down into their soul.

Mere words cannot describe
The many qualities you show,
The love and caring nature that
You share with those who know.

Your kind and gentle temperament,
Your sweet angelic smile,
Your softly spoken sentiments,
That reach across the miles.

Your smile and laugh that sparkle with
The softness of your sighs,
The way your face lights up a room ...
That twinkle in your eye.

The loving gestures through the years,
That quickly come to mind,
For always you've a gentle word
To calm and soothe I find.

I struggle and I search to try
To find some words anew ...
And yet I cannot capture
All the things that make you you.

I shall therefore, be satisfied
That you must simply know,
Just how I feel about you,
For with words I cannot show.

A life that I own

2005-05-27T00:19:00.000+08:00

This life of mine is as complicated as ever. I've always thought that I could control it to the way I want it to be. Maybe, now i realised that i just can't. This life of mine, is in my hands but it seems that it just slipped between my fingers. I've tried to pick up the missing pieces. These pieces are apart of me that holds tons of memories that i wish i could ever erase it.

Code Red - What Good Is A Heart

I told you how I felt,
I told you what it meant,
But I still haven?t changed your mind,
I know that you?re afraid,
You?re frightened of the pain,
But you can let down your guard...
Cause when we run, when we hide,
We deny what?s inside...
What good is a heart if you?re not gonna use it,
What good is a love if you?re too scared to choose it,
If you?re heart is beating, then it?s for a reason, girl,
If you?re not willing to start, what good is a heart?
Don?t make the same mistake that people often make,
And miss out on a chance for love,
You?ve got to make your move, you?ve got to make it soon,
Cause you?re dying inside...
Yes, I?m a man, but I cry,
I have fears, I won?t lie...
What good is a heart if you?re not gonna use it,
What good is a love if you?re too scared to choose it,
If you?re heart is beating, then it?s for a reason, girl,
If you?re not willing to start, what good is a heart?
Come on, babe, you know it, girl,
Anyone who looks can see that I?m right,
There?s a chance here, we could take it,
Or regret it for the rest of our lives...
What good is a heart if you?re not gonna use it,
What good is a love if you?re too scared to choose it,
If you?re heart is beating, then it?s for a reason, girl,
If you?re not willing to start, what good is a heart?

Something that flashes back of the past - KCIAN DAYS....

Holiday

2005-05-20T11:17:00.000+08:00

Its the end of the hols and im going KL with my family. That means SHOPPING!! I cant wait baby! Im so totally in LOVE! LOL....... I will be back on Monday midnight and that means - once im home sleep and the next day i have to go school. DAmn! But its alright.. i still have my shopping to do. LOads i think..

Peeps.. not to worry im alright ok? Felt much better already. I just need time to sort it all. It might take a long time, patience.. patience..

The Scientist by Coldplay

Come up to meet ya, tell you I'm sorry
You don't know how lovely you are
I had to find you, tell you I need ya
And tell you I set you apart

Tell me your secrets, and nurse me your questions
Oh lets go back to the start
Running in circles, coming in tails
Heads on a science apart

Nobody said it was easy
It's such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said it would be this hard
Oh take me back to the start

I was just guessing at numbers and figures
Pulling the puzzles apart
Questions of science, science and progress
Do not speak as loud as my heart
And tell me you love me, come back and haunt me

Oh and I rush to the start
Running in circles, chasing tails
Coming back as we are
Nobody said it was easy
Oh it's such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said it would be so hard
I'm going back to the start

Ooooohhhhhhh [x4]

Bullshizzle

2005-05-19T00:19:00.000+08:00

is my life full of bullshizzle? Still wondering what's going on within me. I'm still as confused and there had been many things in my mind. Maybe I'm just too afraid to face it. Fear has always been in me. Too afraid to know the consequences yet now im still feeling mixed up!
All I knw thats real for now is MY GUARDS ARE UP! Its just time. Nothing can tear this guard down. Im back to where I was before. The life that I had been living for since that moment..

Going Crazy by Natalie

Ever since the day you went away and left me lonely and cold
My life just hasn't been the same ohh baby, nooo
When I looked into your eyes the moment that I let you go
I just broke down (down)

Baby if I ever get the chance to be with you again
I would sacrifice
Cuz the feeling that I feel within
No other man would ever make me feel so right

Its nice to smile when I get your phone call at night
But I'd rather have you here with me,
right next to me
I miss the way you hold me tight

[Bridge]I gotta let you know I feel so weak without your touch
I never thought that I could ever love a man so much
I gotta let you know I think that we are destiny
For you I'd cross the world, for you I'd do anything

[Chorus 2x]Thats right baby I'm going crazy
I need to be your lady
I've been thinking lately
That you and me, yes we can make it

Just ride with me, roll with me
I'm in love with you baby
Break it down now I'll tell you what I feel
From the moment that I met you its been so damn real

My heart seems to skip another beat
Every time we speak, I can't believe I feel so weak
Tell me that you really need me and you want me and you miss me
And you love me I'm your lady

I'll be around waiting for you
I'll put it down be the woman for you
I'm falling so deep for you crazy over for you
I`m calling, calling out to you what am I going to do?
It's true, no frontingIts you and no other i can no longer go on without you
I'll just break down (down)

[Bridge]I gotta let you know I feel so weak without your touch
I never thought that I could ever love a man so muchI gotta let you know
I think that we are destiny
For you I'd cross the world, for you I'd do anything

[Chorus 2x]Thats right baby I'm going crazyI need to be your lady
I've been thinking lately
That you and me, yes we can make it
Just ride with me, roll with me
I'm in love with you baby
Ohhh, ohhh....Crazy... lady..... lately.... Ohhh ohhh.....
Ohh ohhh ohhhhhhBaby...

I Hope That I Don't Fall in Love with You by Tom Wait

2005-05-13T18:32:00.000+08:00

Well I hope that I don't fall in love with you
'Cause falling in love just makes me blue,
Well the music plays and you displayy
our heart for me to see,
I had a beer and now I hear you calling out for me
And I hope that I don't fall in love with you.

Well the room is crowded,
people everywhere
And I wonder, should I offer you a chair?
Well if you sit down with this old clown,
take that frown and break it,
Before the evening's gone away,
I think that we could make it,
And I hope that I don't fall in love with you.

Well the night does funny things inside a man
These old tom-cat feelings you don't understand,
Well I turn around to look at you,
you light a cigarette,
I wish I had the guts to bum one,
but we've never met,
And I hope that I don't fall in love with you.

I can see that you are lonesome just like me,
and it being late,
you'd like some some company,
Well I turn around to look at you,
and you look back at me,
The guy you're with has up and split,
the chair next to you's free,
And I hope that you don't fall in love with me.

Now it's closing time,
the music's fading outLast call for drinks,
I'll have another stout.
Well I turn around to look at you,y
ou're nowhere to be found,
I search the place for your lost face,
guess I'll have another round
And I think that I just fell in love with you.

a lil something that i watched from The Prince and I -> something really sweet and memorable. Something that should be kept..
http://juliastiles.net/games/dance.html --> try it peeps. its really funny! See them move to the groove!

a celebration

2005-05-12T14:35:00.000+08:00

wonder what day it is today? and i keep on wondering.

Happy birthday Jan!! HAppy 20th Birthday!!!!

.... oooo.... its your birthday!its your birthday!

the truth

2005-05-11T01:50:00.000+08:00

knowing the truth is painful yet the right thing to do. though most of us can't face it, including myself, we tend to find another solution not facing it. for eg: by running away from it. Ive done that million times but it keeps haunting you until you face it. solving it is the key to your question. The truth just lies within yourself, it depends on how you want to see it as a positive point of view. Should we cast it aside or live with it or makes full use of it?

The truth about me... no one knows except me.There are things that i will share but some not. Maybe, some might not agree with what i think or feel. truth.. just hurts but you will get over it, somehow..

The true meaning..

2005-05-11T01:48:00.000+08:00

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to obedience and warmth.

In love, you feel the most alive when your partner is patient and never willing to give up on you.

You'd like to your lover to think you are stylish and alluring.

You would be forced to break up with someone who was ruthless, cold-blooded, and sarcastic.

Your ideal relationship is lasting. You want a relationship that looks to the future... one you can grow with.

Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment.

You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred.

In this moment, you think of love as something you don't need. You just feel like flirting around and playing right now.

What'>http://www.blogthings.com/keystoyourheartquiz/">What Are The Keys To Your Heart?

Your Birthdate: January 19

Your birth on the 19th day of the month adds a tone of independence and extra energy to your life path.
But at the same time, it poses a number of obstacles to overcome before you are able to be as independent as you would like. The number 1 energy suggests more executive ability and leadership qualities than your path may have indicated.

A birthday on the 19th of any month gives greater will power and self-confidence, and very often a rather original approach. However, a somewhat self-centered approach to life that may be in conflict with some of the other influences in your life.
This 1 energy may diminish your ability and desire to handle details, preferring instead to paint with a broad brush.

You are sensitive, but your feeling stay somewhat repressed.
You have a compelling manner that can be dominating in many situations.
You do not tend to follow convention or take advice very well.

Consequently, you tend to learn through experience; sometimes hard experiences.
The 19/1 is a loner number and you may experience feelings of being alone even if you are married.
You may take on a tendency to be nervous and angry.

What'>http://www.blogthings.com/whatdoesyourbirthdatemeanquiz/">What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

the meaning of my birth date

2005-05-11T01:44:00.000+08:00

Your Birthdate: January 14

With a birthday on the 14th of the month (5 energy) you are inclined to work well with people and enjoy them.
You are talented and versatile, very good at presenting ideas, and you are also very good at organization and systematizing.
You may have a tendency to get itchy feet at times and need change and travel.

You tend to be very progressive, imaginative and adaptable.
Your mind is quick, clever and analytical.
A restlessness in your nature may make you a bit impatient and easily bored with routine, and rebel against it.
You have a tendency to shirk responsibility.

What'>http://www.blogthings.com/whatdoesyourbirthdatemeanquiz/">What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

truly sorry

2005-05-09T12:36:00.000+08:00

[[mood]]: confused
[[song]]: Almost here by Brian McFadden and Delta Goodrem

A song that brings back memories - the past that i hold on to. Just as meaningful to our lives, don't you think so? That is just the past in which we hold on to as wonderful memories to look back to. Its a lil something that makes us unique individuals and unbelievable emotions that surrounds us. We cannot run away from this will always be in our lives all the time, in any relationships that you have. So, I'll walk down the road with my head held up high, knowing that decisions made are the right one. I will not look back and ever had the thought of making the wrong mistake - decisions of mine. I will be stronger, as each day is a brighter day with new adventures for me to see.

Twinsoul cum love cum gf cum bestie
this song in my blog is dedicated to you peeps esp you, kams...
Im sorry if i made you angry in anyway. i guess you are just not in the mood to talk. Its alright i will just give you the time to think things through. If you feel like talking, you will know im just right next to you. Im just waiting for you to reach out your hands so as we can go through all the ups and downs together - no matter how rough the road leads us to, im sure we can survive through it. You are not alone! Im always here for you, will always be..
A lil something for you..

I'll catch your tears

You will be all right,
You will be okay,
If I can I will,
Help you make it to the next day.

I will listen to you’re pain,
Pull you through the rain,
Maybe help you smile,
I bet you haven’t in a while.

I will catch all of you’re tears,
And will continue to over the years,
I will ask you please,
To hold on and not leave.

I will hold you tight,
I won’t let you fall,
I will be here,
Waiting for you’re call.

I will cry for you,
And make those marks of self-harm,
Just to save you,
From anymore pain.

I will scream for you,
Run far away,
I will die for you,
If you want it that way.

Because I love you,
You’re my best friend,
And I really don’t want,
You’re precious life to end.

I would really miss you,
You’re too young,
I’m sorry you’re life is so hard,
And not as bight as the sun.

Twinsoul I need you,
Please don’t say goodbye,
A lot of people need you,
Please don’t make us cry.

I know that it’s hard,
But it will get better,
I promise you,
That it won’t be like this forever.

So please hold on,
I am always here,
So if you need someone,
Come to me and I’ll catch you’re tears.

Lost for words

2005-05-09T03:10:00.000+08:00

morning peeps.. im just too lost for words with everything that is going on in my mind, heart and soul. Not knowing which path my heart should take? This confusion state just makes me feel so uneasy about almost everything. Everything, hey what can i say.. Im just emo. Its me. Its been a long time since i've updated my blog and too long for that layout. Just designed a new one. This current one is still under process, hoping to add in more things. still wondering. LOL..

~ Happy Birthday Yong Searn!~
Just wanna wish you happy birthday! May all your wishes come true and be in good health all the time. Its a wonder how you can actually love java but hey that's your passion! LOL.. Thanks for everything. We will meet you at your chalet on the 10th alright. Take care and see ya.. oooo now i have to find ya a pressiieee.. what shall genie and i get for you?? wait paciently aye..

By the way, last friday Kams and i watched Coach Carter. Its worth every penny of your peeps. Im sure you won't regret it. I promise. Actually, it sort of reminds me of my class 5/2. Those days when we cant get along and somehow miracles do happen, when we finally clicked and cooperate as one. Those moments when we spent time together was the best moments of my life. Those memorable times.. :)

P/s: There is a class gathering at Ya Jun's place soon. 10 bucks/person. Time and date not cofirmed. Will let you guys know soon aye. So make yourselves free... SEe ya! Love ya.. MIss ya!

I've learned

2005-04-21T02:25:00.000+08:00

A lil something that I'd love to share with you..

I've learned-that we don't have to change friends if we understand that friends change.
I've learned-that no matter how good a friend is, they're going to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that.
I've learned-that true friendship continues togrow, even over the longest distance. Same goes for true love.
I've learned- that you can do something in an instant that will give you heartache for life.
I've learned-that it's taking me a long time to become the person I want to be.
I've learned-that you should always leave loved ones with loving words. It may be the lasttime you see them.
I've learned - that you can keep going long after you can't.
I've learned-that we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel.
I've learned- that either you control your attitude or it controls you.
I've learned-that regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship is at first, the passion fades and there had better be something else to take its place.
I've learned-that heroes are the people who dowhat has to be done when it needs to be done ,regardless of the consequences.
I've learned-that money is a lousy way of keeping score.
I've learned-that my best friend and I can do anything or nothing and have the best time.
I've learned-sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you're down, will be the ones to help you get back up.
I've learned-that sometimes when I'm angry I have the right to be angry, but that doesn't give me the right to be cruel.
I've learned-that just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.
I've learned-that maturity has more to do withwhat types of experience you've had and what you've learned from them and less to do with how many birthdays you've celebrated.
I've learned-that it isn't always enough to be forgiven by others. Sometimes you have to learn toforgive yourself.
I've learned-that no matter how bad your heart is broken the world doesn't stop for your grief.
I've learned-that our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become.
I've learned-that just because two people argue, it doesn't mean they don't love each other. And just because they don't argue, it doesn't mean they do.
I've learned-that you shouldn't be so eager to find out a secret. It could change your life forever.
I've learned-that two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different.
I've learned-that your life can be changed in a matter of hours by people who don't even know you.
I've learned-that even when you think you have no more to give, when a friend cries out to you,you will find the strength to help.
I've learned-that credentials on the wall do not make you a decent human being.
I've learned-that the people you care about most in life are taken from you too soon.

The Taufik Performance

2005-04-20T01:48:00.000+08:00

Today: I went for the "an evening with taufik". Well it wasnt so bad though i expected better.. Anyway the performances were good, he is talented and when he sang missing you always, i could just cry at that moment and you were in my mind. *Sigh* Overall, it was great.. His songs are not that bad though. He is good looking though, and yes when he sang Me and mrs jones and a few more, i just melt.... hahhaha no harm right? It was a good experience though. Yeah i know this is like such an outdated info but now i finally know who Aide Iskandar is and yes he is HOT!! Damn his wife is damn pretty also! Man such a perfect couple.

A day out with my bestie: Jan. We went Suntec to collect my pic and Jan did groceries shopping!!!! A conversation that i cant forget. It was about what would it be like if all of us were to stay together under one roof? Can you imagine how chaotic the place would be? LOL.. My imagination is running world. What do you think...
*these pictures were taken out of boredom cos there weren't any show when we were at the fountain...

~A kiss from us to you~

~The freak's leg~

~God knows what we were trying to do...~

~its the juice, do you want some?~

~Bread and juice, anyone wants some?~

~ain't that sweeet~

~At Cityhall Mrt Escalator: The best place to take your pic!~

what's your weakness?

2005-04-19T02:23:00.000+08:00

[[mood:happy.on top of the world]]

Weakness is one of the interesting factor in one's character. Have you ever wondered what's your weakness; that actually makes you go weak in the kness no matter whatever mood you are in be in happy, sad or angry. Some people might take this weakness as a bad thing or a good one in deed. It depends on one's opinion but for myself, it can be a good thing cos it actually makes you feel happy like on top of the world. This brings you t0 your world; a world that is beautiful and full of colours that simply brightens up your life. Ain't that a good a thing? Don't you wanna be happy too..I wonder whats my weakness... what's yours?

*From me to you...
Obsession (No Es Amor) by Frankie J
(Check check ...this happened for real ...baby bash..yo.. frankie j.... obession)
Its early in the morning
And my heart is really moaning
Just thinkin bout you baby
Got me twisted into things
And I dont know how to take it

But its driving me so crazy
I dont know if its right
I'm tossin turning in my bed
Its 5 oclock in the morning
And I still cant sleep
Thinkin bout your beauty it makes me Weak...
I'm feeling hopeless at home
I dont know what to do but I think I'm in love
Baby...........

[Chorus]
Amor , no es amor (if this aint love)
Then what am I feeling (what am I doing wrong)
Amor, no es amor (if this aint love)
Its just an illusion that I have in my heart

Now I know you're not my lady I'm just tryin to make this right
I dont know what to do I'm going out of my mind
So baby if u let me could I getchu to say maybe we could ride together
We could do this all nite now
I dont care if u got a man
Baby I wish u'd understand
Cuz I know he can't love u right, quite like I can
Its 5 o'clock in the morning
And I still cant sleep
Thinkin bout your beauty it makes me Weak...
I'm feeling hopeless at home
I don't know what to do but I think I'm in love

[Chorus]
Amor no es amor (if this aint love)
Then what am I feelings (what am I doing wrong)
Amor, no es amor (if this aint love)
Its just an illusion that I have in my heart

I like the way u freak it like that
I like the way u freak it like that
I like the way u freak it like that
Its an obsession

[Baby Bash]
Hold up let me dream
Shorty got me feelin less supreme
Where my candy, where my cream
Got your boy feel less supreme
Hold up wait a minute baby you so damn independent
Loving everything your representing
Got alot of money, I love to spend itAnd thats whats up and I dont care what people scream
No I'm blessin when I'm stressin
My superfly beauty queen I'm gonna keep it saucy
Cuz my money know how I do, we go rendez-vous, mi corazon belongs to you

[Chorus]Amor ...no es amor (if this aint love)
Then what am I feelings (what am I doing wrong)
what am I do wrong [echo]Amor, no es amor (if this aint love)
Its just an illusion that I have in my heart
Amor... no es amor (if this aint love)
What am I feelling? (what am I doing wrong?)
what am I do so wrong? [echo]Amor, no es amor (if this aint love)
Its just an illusion that I have in my heart Amor

Feelings Revealed?

2005-04-14T01:04:00.000+08:00

[[mood:sleepy.confused]]

Have you ever come across this phrase or situation whereby Guys are the ones who make the move in telling the girl he likes how he feels about her or the other way round? Have you ever wondered which is the correct way or a better way? This has been one of the intereating issues between guys and girls as both parties fight their way through to prove their thoughts are the right one. What do you think?

For me, personally i feel that girls should not tell the guy how she feels EVENTHOUGH in this generation, it is common for girls to tell --> all because they are more calm in this situation. Yes, i've heard that girls nowadays are daring enough to tell and there isnt any such thing about guys making the first move. Sigh, maybe they are the majority who are brave enough to face reality. How about the minority, who dare not face this situation, and all they can do is just live with it with no regrets of not showing how you feel. As for myself, i would not tell the guy how i feel unless he confesses first cos you may never know that he might not have the same feelings as you do. In this way, this would not cause any awkwardness and embarrasement between the both of you if it doesnt go well. It also ensure that there would be no end of the friendship and might even lead to a better situation which you did not expect. Though, this might end up hurt and heart broken, at least you just have to deal with yourself right? It also easier to give him up. Im not saying its that easy but you have to be patient and take things slow, cos nothing is easy.

Not everyone might agree with what i feel about this matter. You might have your ways in doing so and might think that its stupidity in not telling. Maybe, if you were to put yourself in their shoes and understand how they feel and what they are, then you might understand why. Shyness is tough though it can be overcome by taking small steps to reach that goal of yours. However, as for myself, an easier way to overcome it is by walking away from it.. leaving it stranded.

"A Poem from Me to You

Sitting in my bedroom,
Not knowing what to do,
So, I decided to write down all my feelings,
And make it a poem- from me to you.

'Cause when I'm with you,
I never feel any pain,
All I have to do is see your smile,
And then I'm happy again.

I don't see you every day,
But that's the way it's gotta be.
Just knowing you are there
Is good enough for me.

You've hugged me when I'm ill,
You've hugged me when I've cried,
You've helped me through the hardest times,
Without even a sigh.

You're always on my mind,
No matter what I do,
Wherever I go,
Whatever I see...
It always leads back to you.

I hope you have enjoyed reading
This poem I wrote for you.
I know it sounds cheesy,
But I will always and truly love you."

*dedicated to tinkle.. deep in thoughts. always.. :)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Try by Nelly Furtado

All I knowIs everything is not as it's sold
but the more I grow the less I know
And I have lived so many lives
Though I'm not old
And the more I see, the less I grow
The fewer the seeds the more I sow

Then I see you standing there
Wanting more from me
And all I can do is try
Then I see you standing there
Wanting more from me
And all I can do is try

I wish I hadn't seen all of the realness
And all the real people are really not real at all
The more I learn the more I cry
As I say goodbye to the way of life
I thought I had designed for me

Then I see you standing there
Wanting more from me
And all I can do is try
Then I see you standing there
I'm all I'll ever be
But all I can do is try
Try

All of the moments that already passed
We'll try to go back and make them last
All of the things we want each other to be
We never will be
And that's wonderful, and that's life
And that's you, babyT
his is me, babyA
nd we are, we are, we are, we ar
eFreeIn our love
We are free in our love

*dedicated to love - thanks for everything

Fear

2005-04-11T00:02:00.000+08:00

[[mood:in wuuurrrrvvvveeeeee :) ]]
[[music:Daughters by John Mayer]]

This is the song that im listening to right now.Just soothing for the moment. SO soothing that it just makes me feel so right. Well today, i spent my time "wisely" by cleaning my room then the fish tank, pond and toilet. Great its spring cleaning time for me today. Oh boy.. so i guess i spent my day at home watching tv and cleaning my room. Yest watched The Pacifier. Its really a very funny show and worth your money. Really... Soooooooo good. Rate: 8/10

Fear.. Everyone has their own fear.. deep within im sure. Its just up to them whether they wanna show it or not, be it guys or girls. Hey, you are still human. Fears are feelings. dont tell me you dont have any? lol.
I fear:
1. Cockroaches
2. Jack in the box
3. Rides found at shops where you have to pay twenty cents(hey thats really scary alright)
4. dark
5.
6.
7.
....A few more but i cant think of any right now. I just fear of them. dont you?

Last fri: TP Dinner and Dance. It was great, just great. Had a great time though. It was damn funny. Interestin and you get to see everyone all dressed up in costumes, dresses and even guys in suit.WOO HOO.. HOT! Then head to Mc Cafe just to chill till 130am then HOME. Man.. I was tired and slept..

Have you seen the Oprah version of the Desperate Housewives? Oh my, if you didn't.. try and catch it cos its really funny and good. She is good in the show though.. Really good and yupz there were the three hunk, The Plumber, The Gardener and the husband. OH DID I MENTION THE PLUMBER AND THE GARDENER IS HOT.. MELTING SIAH,. such a heartthrob! oh my... he is sooooo good looking. very good looking... :P

laters peeps. toms will be meeting Jan and just hang out.. leaving with this heart throb in mind, missing you always.. lol :)

Rugby Match

2005-04-07T23:48:00.000+08:00

Oh great! What have i gotten myself into? I was suppose to work as liaison officer but somehow it wasnt. Dont ask me why. Im sick of answering that question cos my mom is not happy with what im doing. Im just volunteering as a timekeeper and i guess its fun and wanna take this opportunity as an experience. An experience that is making me freak out. What ifs questions are twirling in my mind right now. What if i screwed up?What if it doesnt go to what has been planned?What if.... On the other hand, Im excited as i get to watch the match LIVE for FREE! Though im NOT into this kinda thing but hey, its once in a life time.Im still young and can try new things and like new things. I hope..

Results will be out this Sat.Thats what i heard. I wonder how i fare this sem.Oh well, im just scared that i do not do well. This is scary.. hopefully i pass. Im praying hard..oh peeps pray hard that i pass alright. Oh by the way, anyone knows where to get the joker in the box? Do let me know asap alright. Lini, im afraid of that so if you want me to accompany you look for it cAN.. but LOOK FOR IT ALONE... YOU CAN SIMPLY FORGET ABT IT! lol...

and also, the guy who briefed us just now was not bad looking. has a nice smile.. wah... just nice to see his smile.. hmm and also Kams, i din expect you to tell dayang abt HIM(the stage art guy).great, but hey i cant help it.. he is cute! Just attracts me.. melting ah babe.. lol

time changes everything

2005-04-07T01:26:00.000+08:00

[[mood:love.joy.harmony.peace.MISSYOU.confused.sad]]

Time.. time makes the unexpected, expected. Get it? It seems that time changes everything in life. The things that you would ever expect to happen, it would usually happen. I wonder how powerful it is to actually make the changes without making anyone realising it until you actually sit down and look around you. Analyse it and evaluate it. An example would be someone's character: the opposite from whom you'd known since secondary sch times. Guessed it already?

Well, Kams, Jan and I went back KC last Monday to visit cikgu. Cikgu is still fine though she still goes back to the hospital for the regular check up. Cikgu Fatimah has retired and this has been a shock to all of us cos we thought cikgu would be the first one! Talked to Ms Wee and yes she is fine. Look better though. Miss Huang also, guess still the same. Hotstuff is in charge of tennis but we din get to see him. Shucks.. what a bad timing. Talked tp Mr Jega and he actually told us to join in the 2.4 run at EAST COAST when kams said she needed his help. LOL.. KC is not the same anymore. Its totally different from what we picture it in the past when we had our good old times like sports day, swimming carnival and even book and music week!

However, these events are no longer apart of the calender! Remember those times where we would actually turn up for sports day and wait till cheerleading starts! Those moments when we cheered and have fun together as a whole, doesn't matter what level you are. The support that we had was good and on top of it, we had fun. It had always been a tradition, but sadly, the tradition is gone, being erased like as if it does not matter much. Its sad to say that KC girls in future may or WONT ever have the same experience as what we had from way back. Its such a pity though. Maybe, these traditions should be kept in our memories, vivid in our minds. Knowing its existence that it played an important part in our KC years. It brings joy to our lives and makes us closer, kinship and even friendship that last till eternity. How I wish I could show them the joy that we had during our years in KC and yet we did well in our studies. To show them that this is the real KC, open up your eyes and see how it has changed our lives and mould us to be a better person and a woman. I just wish i could save it..

Missing you always by Taufik Batisah

Still my no. 1 even though ur gone
Love's still burning strong feel I cant move on
Seems I've lost my way.
Tings juz aint de same
How I wish I'd stayed close 2 u
I noe de rainy days aint over when I tink of u
I know Im not out of dis storm yet cos Im feling blue
When u see in my reflection looking back at u
Im juz trying 2 say

Im still missing u
Lk de storm misses de rain
Lk a warm summers day
I'll b missing u always
Im still breathing u
Lk ur here in my arms
Lk ur not even gone
Will I feel lk dis always?
Cos Im still missing u
Thought I wanted out, too young 2 b tied down
Tings seem clearer nw
Shud haf stayed some how

Hope its nt too late
Cud I juz try explain
Wish I cud heal de pain caused 2 u
I noe de rainy days aint over when I tink of u
I know Im not out of dis storm yet cos Im feling blue
When u see in my reflection looking back at u
Im juz trying 2 say

Im still missing u
Lk de storm misses de rain
Lk a warm summers day
I'll b missing u always
Im still breathing u
Lk ur here in my arms
Lk ur not even gone
Will I feel lk dis always?
Cos Im still missing u

* dedicated to tinkle.hopefully tinkle is happy always :)
* dedicated to love as well. love has always been my no 1 in heart. Hope you are happy in your life. Good luck in whatever you are doing. Thanks for everything. You made me smile, laugh, angry,happy confused and not to forget cry but yet I'll never forget you and the memories that we share. Deep in my heart no matter where we are or what happens, no one can replace you in my heart. I'll always love you and this love for you will never fade. If you need someone to share your heartaches, problems or even your happiness, you'll know where to find me or reach me right. I will always be there for you.. love you always and miss you alwyas.. I promise. :)
*dedicated to my gfs.miss you guys too.we will meet one day when you guys are done with your exams and just have fun including updates alright.movie,dinner and chill.. love you besties always..

A play at NYP

2005-04-01T11:23:00.000+08:00

[[Mood: smiley :)]]

Morning world! Morning peeps.. Im just so crappy when its so near PMS and during it and even after PMS.. damn! Mixed feelings about everything that just happened but there are its reasons for its existence. Well, I will be going to attend this play at NYP today with Kida, Kams, Jan and I. Yup wonder whats it going to be like.. Dayang and my cousin, Faisal, will be performing. Just wonder if its going to be like the old days. And before that I might be watching a movie with them but Jan don't feel like watching one though.

As for now, the chores have not been done. My bed have not been made and im right here in front of the PC, blogging. Gosh.. my gran has been screaming at me to clean the house and the response.. "Yeah, soon,later". Lol, so typical of me. I have to get all this done before i can even go out or else.. i guess you know what comes next..

Yest i went JB with my family.. yes JB. First stop was Larkin and dun it was a market. Damn i was bored..God knws what she bought yesterday and yes i had to carry them. Next, was City Square i just love to shop there. Had lunch walked around and i found the Sex and the city season one! DUH i had buy it and yes ITS ALL PINK!!! Just loved it... Sorry Zul, i cant find the dvd: 10 Things I hate about you.. but you just have to rub it in about yur uncle owning the whole 7 seasons and sex and the city marathon. Damn it.. Its alright.. i will get the whole season somehow.

Kams just called and we might be watching Swing girls at 320 Cineleisure. Hmm great.. hope it will goes well. LOL.. ok shoot its time for me to do my chores cos im running late. Take care peeps. Hope to meet up soon. How about movie by the bay? anyone up for it???

Its the hols

2005-03-28T20:46:00.000+08:00

[[mood]]: lovestruck
Finally its the hols for me though its kinda sad cos i won't be able to see tinkle. I know that maybe SOME of you know who and might have the same reaction but who cares right? As long as I am happy for what i have right now and just loving each and every moment I found tinkle. *cheeky smiles* I guess I'm glad I knew tinkle, really do..

Updates:
Sat: Met Emah, Jan and Siti at town. We were supposed to watch movie but we ended up walking round and our first stop. MANGO. This was due to the freaking long queue at Lido. Man, that was such a turn off! That spoiled our mood for awhile or maybe it was a huge impact on me cos i really wanted to watch movie-Miss Congeniality 2. What a dope. Its alright anyway we had a great time walking round and yes, my feet were tired but my mind just don't really think of that. Then, we head to esplanade and sat at Chocolate bar- a cafe that sells all kinds of choocolate. To all Chocolate lovers, this spot might be the place to chill, sit back and relax with your besties.. updating your lives and just chill. Its a good recommendation though. Do think about it alright?

Sun: Stayed home, Tuitioun with my cousins and television and more of television.

As for today, I met Genie to watch Miss Congeniality 2. GV TM sux alright. There wasn't any pictures at the start and i missed the starting part. Hmm this is the second time and maybe I'm just not destined to watch at GV TM! I was so mad cos i was really glad and excited at first as i finally get to watch this movie! That was a turnoff though but later part of the movie, I had enjoyed myself as we laughed like mad! Rating: 8/10. A movie that you guys just cant missed! Its not all about bimbotic pageant but true love and friendship.. A perfect fit..

I can't wait for Fri to hang out with my bestest Twinsoul, Kida and maybe Jans. There is a play on friday at NYP which we will be going. I just cant wait! Hopefully Jan can be able to make it. My mom also made plans to go JB and it would only be the three of us. without my sister cos she has camp.. Great just great.. I can swim all day.. Shop all day... And also I will be able to GO KL WITH MY FAMILY! Isnt that exciting. Shopping paradise, here i come..

Moving forward

2005-03-25T19:18:00.000+08:00

mood: [smiley]

hey peeps.. yes i know its the new blog and my first entry. Guess finally realise its time to move forward and accept all that has happened in the past has its reasons, accept the future to be a better person. But for now, i don't think i have been a better person cos im suppose to study but here i am telling ya all this. LOL..

Updates: HOLS IS STARTIN BY TOM!!!! can't wait for saturday cos we planned to go out.. hmm miss congeniality 2 then we chill at esplanade. its been a long time since we met so we have to meet up soon ok..

ok enough of that, i have to study already.. take care. laters...

*losemybreath saved my life.. lol..

Under Construction

2005-03-24T20:59:00.000+08:00

testing test